Increasing Your Child's Ability to Cope With School Bullying ...

School Kids - Pediatric Associates Inc.

This article looks at ways parents can assist their child with coping with what has become a significant form of violence in the school setting.

The schools in our area have now been in session for about six weeks. This is a good time to begin thinking about school bullying and increasing our children?s ability to cope. As in most cases, it is better to be proactive than reactive.

So just what is school bullying? First, we need to know one in every four children in the United States is bullied and one in five students define themselves as bullies (Lumsden, 2002). School Bullying is now the most prevalent form of low level violence in the schools today (Whitted & Dupper, 2005). School Bullying is defined as "A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself" (Olweus, 2011). Olweus asserts bullying has three important components;

Bullying is aggressive behavior that involves unwanted, negative actions.

Bullying involves a pattern of behavior repeated over time.

Bullying involves an imbalance of power or strength.

Bullying may include;

Derogatory comments and bad names.

Social exclusion or isolation.

Physical attacks.

Extortion of money or other personal property.

Racial bullying.

Sexual bullying.

Cyber bullying (via cell phone or Internet).

It is important to be proactive in bullying because the victim of the bullying may become susceptible to any number of anxiety and/or mood disorders. Research has shown there is a high correlation between suicide attempt and ideation and bullying victimization (Hinjuda & Patchin, 2010). Bullying is a serious form of violence and has substantial impacts on the health of our children.

Parents and other care givers have an obligation to be aware of and protective of their children This is especially so when there is a concern or instance of bullying. So the question becomes how will a parent know if their child is being bullied? Some of the more common signals of bullying includes;

A child who evidences a profound aversion towards attending school or school related activities.

Children who reflect low self esteem.

Children who seem especially anxious or have frequent mood swings.

Children who isolate themselves and/or have few friends.

Children who have frequent violent encounters with their peers.

Children who bring weapons to school.

If a parent sees any of these behaviors from their child they should begin to suspect and inquire about school bullying. At the very least, if a parent sees any of these behaviors from their child it is time to begin having discussions with their child. The concern becomes this is a reactive posture. So how can one take a proactive posture? A proactive posture requires the development of and implementing ongoing strategies that will alert the parent when conditions have changed with our child.

The first of these strategies must be, a parent must be an observer of their child. Learn their patterns, their behaviors, and their inclinations. When there are any unexplained deviations or changes there may be a need to intervene. It is important to note most children who are being victimized will not report their situations. So parents must be observers of their children.

In addition to being observers, parents must develop good communication with their children. There should be daily time set aside to discuss the child?s experience in school or school related activities. These should be free talks more from a peer to peer dynamic. Parents should not present themselves as investigators but rather interested listeners to their children. When children discuss their feelings or concerns this is not a time to demean or criticize. It is a time to be empathetic and reflective on what the child is expressing. All of this requires, of course, that the parent learn to be ACTIVE LISTENERS!!!

Additionally, parents should be active in their child?s school. Parents should introduce themselves to the administrators, guidance staff, and faculty at the school. Give all of these professionals your contact information. Let them know they have access to you anytime they feel necessary. Conversely, parents should be an advocate for their child. The parent should present themselves to the school whenever they have issues with the child?s experience in the school. When parents model proper, effective advocacy before their child they engender the trust of the child and teach the child effective advocacy for themselves.

Parents must teach their child ways to effectively disengage or avoid negative, conflictual experiences. More, the child needs to learn how to report negative experiences to the responsible persons at the school. They must learn how to be factual and non emotional in order that they be received and not considered simply ?tattling?.

Finally, parents must monitor their child?s use of the computer. This is especially important in regards to social media sites. Children must have limits on their daily use of computer and be restricted from abusive or troublesome internet sites. Parents have to learn how to use the software tools for restricting access to undesirable sites and use these tools judiciously. Parents are not bad guys because the lock their kids out of certain internet addresses. DO IT!

These are just a few of the strategies a parent can use to assist their child in coping with school bullying. Remember, the more proactive we are, the less reactive we must become.

Authors Note:For more information you can go to, Snyder, M. (2011) What parents can do about childhood bullying: An expert explains how to determine if your child is a bully or a victim ?and how to take appropriate, effective action.GreatSchools

Sources

Hinjuda, S. & Patchin, J. W. (2010). Bullying, Cyberbullying, and Suicide. Archives of Suicide Research, 14(3), 206-221.

Lumsden, L. (2002). Preventing Bullying. Wrightslaw.com

Olweus, D. (2011). What is Bullying? Olweus.org

Whitted, K. S. & Dupper, D. R. (2005). Best practices for preventing or reducing bullying in schools. Children & Schools, 17(3), 167-176.

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